she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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