I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I love you. Go after that dick
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
