i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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