She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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