dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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