I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
