I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
