I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
