Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize