im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
