so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
sex in a hospital.. check
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
