So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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