I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
