If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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