tell your sister to shave her snatch
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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