when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
