if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
