I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
