i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Found the puke drawer
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
