I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
