Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
