Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
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