One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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