I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
