Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
