We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
