Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
