i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
