pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
