I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
