Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
