I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
