You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
