I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
