i wish there were pregnant emoticons
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize