dude i'm inner monologue high
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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