and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
false alarm. still invincible.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
