I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
