the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
