C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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