Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
how drunk are you?
Several
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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