margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
