About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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