She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
