I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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