I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
