i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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