After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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