aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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