i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
