I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
