Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
