Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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