well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
