Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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