K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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