I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
