my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
