He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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