He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
