Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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