Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
