If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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