remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
