I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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