ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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