I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
