Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
