You work out of a Hotel?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
