Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
COCAINE IS GR8
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
