she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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