When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
