:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
