apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize