there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize