evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
