end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You're like the curious george of whores
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
is it fun? or sober?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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