I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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