The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
