My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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