matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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